funny responses to what are you doing this weekend

Fine, thanks.. Id also add that when youve lived in a place for years and are planning to stay, like I am in my husbands home country, it gets very tiring to have everyone assume youre just visiting or that youre an international student and will be gone soon. Sadly its never QUITE a lie, hahaha. Im with this LWask me to do a specific thing or dont. FRIEND: I am available [date]! you said you had no plans! you into babysitting or helping them with yardwork, they just want to ask you a fun, low-stakes question. The conversation can go like this either way and be appropriate and you not be on the spot either way. So, now give me my money back. So the reframing may help. Lets do it.). Id like to do a bit better with my own kids. 1. Do you like, like me? Updog. 21. The same old answers get boring, so you should try a little bit of humor at times because you might make someone laugh instead of feeling awkward. Can I let you know for sure tomorrow?. It always made me think I looked tired or upset or maybe there was something wrong with my hair, because its the sort of thing I would only ask a friend/acquaintance/student if it seemed like they were distressed. Ill have to check with E and let you know is super convenient. You're very welcome. I think w/ friends, if youre open to the getting together, you can say, Were you thinking of trying to get together? in a hopeful tone. If you want to invite them, INVITE. (that said, I do aim at treating her the way I would an adult roommate.) single. Them : Ah, then Ill get back to you (They never get back to you). I wish people could just say I want to do (thing) do you want to do (thing) with me?, All I can tell ya is what I have been doing for years: On a walk with my dinosaur. 1. Good luck. Trying to build a house. I wonder if some variety of Im really flattered that you asked and I want to hang bout, but I REALLY need to recharge this weekend, maybe we can set a time that works for both of us? might be a good script? Young women and girls are not stupid. Another interesting look at how varied cultural/regional norms and peoples own experiences can be. Thanks! (Like just because I have no plans, I must do the Thing she wants to do. So I got in the habit of saying, I have no plans and thats just the way I like it. When someone really finds you funny over text, they may send laughing emoji or 'haha'. Flip the question back to them. I wish that just once I had the wherewithal to respond to a manipulative invitation like LW describes with the classic Phoebe Buffet line: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.. Oof this is hard, because how you deal with it can and will vary so wildly depending upon whos doing the asking of you. Going back to work? You can be annoyed by a wide variety of people forever. There are a couple of questions my Mother asks that trigger a Pavlovian eye-roll from me because I know they are invariably followed by a request for a favor, to the point where if someone else asks me the same question in a totally innocuous way, I still react to it. You can help!'. Its also pretty casual, and most people automatically reply to that question because its so common. Its just small talk! Id like to get you to take out the trash.), There *is* a certain amount of call on her time that I -do- feel entitled to (she lives in my home, not hers; shes a member of my family). When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. ooh. This will not go away. Like I also find whatre you doing this weekend to be pretty normal but also can feel very intrusive, but if I had people in my life like the LWs who were using it to try to make me do things I didnt want to do while making it seem like they were not making me do things itd get to be a really irritating and hair-trigger question pretty fast. BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. My white mom has a very unusual first name (I dont know of anyone with a name that is even similar, AND its spelled with a non-English character) and, 40 years after she moved to the US people still ask her where shes from. I agree with you based on what shes told me, it feels very othering, and she resents it. (Whether there will be some negative family fallback I dont know). Helen Huntington already explained it very well. How about you?. Totally fair and perfectly polite. Sometimes I go with something like, Im already committed to a couple of things, but they still have to get back to me about when, exactly, theyre happening. In that case, if they have already said theyre free, they might feel trapped into saying yes; I know I would. No more Did I say sunday I meant saturday, now you have to change all your weekend plans ever again. It sounds to me like an attempt to take away my ability to say no. My belief is that its easier to layer politeness onto a firm foundation of self-aware no than it is to find no after being trained to be obliging. Canned responses are pre-written messages that allow customer support agents to respond to customer issues at the drop of a hat. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. "I'll get back to you once I'm back from my long-awaited trip to the fridge.". Depending on the purpose of the encounter, that might mark the end of the interaction or serve as an agreed-upon signal for one or the other or both parties to end the dance of content-free niceties and get to the point or commence the conducting of shared business. Try delaying your answer and then see if taking the pressure off yourself to answer the question or commit to stuff helps you feel less annoyed by this question. Ive found that Why do you ask? comes across as a little cold or accusatory over text, but can be really warm/ friendly in person or over the phone. (I am also not her only parent, so I dont get to act unilaterally. But it can still be frustrating to deal with. My cousins with kids are trying to push their 8-12 year olds on me to tutor them and Im like 1. Like Sounds great but tonight wouldnt work for me or Yknow what, Im pretty tired, I could have made something shorter work but that play will just be too much or just Hm, nah. Bear in mind that you may only ask where are you from once, but the person with the non-local accent is not unlikely to be asked multiple times a day, every single day for YEARS; and POC may be on the receiving end for their whole lives. Rock on, Helen. I felt really connected to LW upon reading the letter! At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. Am I Really? Its very jarring to see that thrown around when its a nasty slur here in the UK. If you can walk away from them, they're successful. Which is honest at least. See, shes trying to force you to perform niceness and capitulate because its hard to think of a way to get rid of her that wont make you look like a bitch not performing socially-mandatory niceness. I think people use that particular question instead of asking outright so they can feel out whether the person has any plans or our open to hanging out before they ask them to commit to a specific thing. I feel like letting her sleep is far more important than my social life right now., Sorry, I know it sounds like a stupid excuse. I dont hear it much in my circles, and if it does come up I just say something noncommittal and wait for them to present a direct invitation or request if they want to. Theres this implication that the only reason you would ever want to say no to their request is if youre already busy, and yeah, thats annoying. No matter what I say its, okay, well I was just gonna see if you wanted to [actual invitation / request]. I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. Thank you!!! This is how I deal with it: The comment is sometimes a small talk, meant to affirm that we like seeing each other, and sometimes a prequel to an invitation. Or something. You're still implying you have a lot going on, but you're demonstrating that you're handling it. And with some people it is pretty transparently a question with the subtext of let me mooch off of your free time and/or the things you do in your free time are stupid and wrong. You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course, and definitely use the Captains scripts and bat the ball back across the net with I dont know, how about you? But I wonder if it would help to make these interactions less frustrating for you if you tried not to think of them as someone trying to get something from you that you dont want to give. Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. More words, people, not less. I also like the advice to just tell people I interact with regularly that I dont like that question. I guess I run with a very specific social crowd and it hasnt occurred to me in a while that its not always doable to say Im going to do CRAFTS ALONE, its going to be awesome. But I used to be in a grad program where people were super competitive, and if I said oh my god Im going to stay in this weekend, Im so peopled-out people would be lowkey mean about how I wasnt networking/studying/running charity marathons enough. You?, Or ask when do you need an answer by as invitors do need to know for catering, planning and booking purposes. Its mostly me trying to figure out a friends general level of free time and not impose if theyre busy or dealing with a crisis. They were being blunt and probably didnt realize the pressure I felt to say yes to direct requests, and didnt understand why I felt hurt when, upon working up the courage to ask for something directly, it was turned down. .except I have a ton of folks in my life who literally ask this to trap me into doing things for them, so thinking their intent is innocuous after being shown time and again it isnt, doesnt necessarily fit the bill- specifically based on the reasoning LW gives. "That is very thoughtful of you, it was a nice weekend.". But its also true I can (usually) reorganize my schedule enough to accommodate plans I want to attend. Here's the most obvious answer that no one can argue with. Hence the claim some of your time, or even the if youre available as a way to say, you have to have solid plans if youre going to tell me no; you cant just say you dont want to do it.. We can debate all day whether that should be true, but it is. I used this to train my mom to use text/email instead, because 1) I hate phone and 2) a written message means much less chances of either one of us getting the details wrong. When I issue a soft invitation I am often not sure if the person wants to hang out at all, and getting a Yes, get in touch and let me know when youd like to do something would encourage me to go on and do the planning whereas Yeah, we really should I would be more likely to read as I dont really want to do anything. If I just say it sounds fun but Im not up to it, they respect that. Yes! Ive spent some time in California and I never really know how to respond correctly. I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. Because shes a family member. A playful Why, whats up? is cool, but I am probably not compatible friends with someone whose response to a polite-small-talk/soft-invite-opening is to demand why I am asking such a nosy question. It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. Fill in the gaps using the correct form of Future Simple Tense. (Like, Im the kind of introvert who is good with people but I know a few who are just exhausting and who drain my battery super quickly), Could you have a conversation with her about, Were gonna have to schedule when all of our kids are walking to school. This is such a common question, and I have a memory like a sieve, and once or twice replied Nothing much and accepted invitations which ended up double booking myself. You're confident and independent, but you still overthink this kind of stuff. So, it's perfectly . I completely agree that when it comes to a duty (like babysitting) this question is somewhat unfair. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. Never trust Calvin, even if you see Hobbes! Like, if you say you have nothing really planned, and you get asked to babysit or on a date, are you actually okay saying Sorry, cant this time? E- Excitement. I had a two-day conversation with my cat about vacuums versus lint rollers. I recognize that the question can DEFINITELY be used to intentionally or unconsciously other people, Her problem with it seemed more about having to answer it ALL the time than any implied racism or xenophobia. Yeah, I do the same. It took some practice, but I always try to give an out for people, especially since I have a group of Japanese friends where theyre used to giving a soft no. If you have plans, just say so. Nothing much? and Im like yup and get back to work.) Most of those projects and research were for fanfiction. Thats not cool.. (beaming smile) (speaking a bit slowly) So you go on (big cheery gesture) on your own because youre interrupting our discussion time.. They may just be an indirect communicator, and Hey, want to go have dinner might feel too abrupt without any conversational preamble. 8. It sounds like he'd get into some fun and adventurous dates. It is really really worth it for people in all possible situations to understand being ethical as something you need to work on and not as something you already are by default and need no guidance and no dialogue for. Can I get back to you later? In truth that is an honest answer, my schedule would fall like a house of cards without my calendar and unless it is an emergency I truly have to check it. Early on in dating the boything, he would ask what I was doing that night in a way that made me think it was small talkso Id say oh, Im working on [project] probably, or I might just have an early night. And then he would assume I wasnt free, whereas if he would have said hey do you want to have dinner? I would have been on board. See how thats all about you, and your kids, and not at all about her? Skip the part where you say Ill have to check my calendar or even Im not surejust go ahead and ask them what they have in mind! The professor went to the restroom. If I catch myself, before they respond lll clarify what my actual invitation is. No matter how old you are, you don't want to be badgered about your life choices. And its hard to argue with. An alternative then is to actually mention the fact that you are sending them an email. ), but I can tell you that even from that POV, I generally have few expectations of this kind of question. Except LW specifically said that with the peer-friends who are not using it as entrapment, LW doesnt find it problematic at all. You enjoy making this girl smile and make her day with your humor. As unfathomable as it is to me to want to be out and about with other humans pretty much every night, it is unfathomable to them to want to spend a whole weekend under a blanket with a book. 2. That might be some of what LW is sensing in terms of it seems like you want to ask me but youre afraid: maybe for them, saying I would like to do X this weekend, can you come? is an invitation THEY would have a hard time refusing even if they didnt want to do it. Yes! Maybe you can Google it. We were asking about things they like or dont like about America compared to the countries they grew up in. You just need to say, like, Oh, not sure yet, how about you?. With colleagues especially, Im not looking to hang out just looking to connect on something, find out what they like about, get to know them better. And if its clearly just conversation, (and you want to participate further) offer up something else, I guess the conclusion is, ask more directly up front, and if I know someone has a hard time saying no, make sure I explicitly say, its okay to say no, or something similar. !" 6) "Come back here weekend!! Nobody seems to be doing well by this arrangement. To me, thats pretty manipulative and when its done I generally conclude that its done on purpose. Climbing mt laundry! And luckily the people asking me are perfectly able to graciously accept a No. And when I say angling, it might not be in a cornering way. I am not anyones manic pixie dream social secretary. Me? More and more, Ive been owning that I dont ever have to say yes. I didnt feel like talking to her much for several months. It could trick your family members into thinking that you actually have your life together. All of these situation have the same question in them, but they are not remotely all one situation. I think a more appropriate reaction would be to apologize once, politely, then go away and process what I did wrong by myself. If they play extra coy with me, Ill just be extra cryptic in return. Doing great, what are you doing here? (If they didnt mean an invitation) Also I have learned to give hard noes. I usually respond Why do you need to know? unless its someone I really trust. The most generic reply to a compliment is always going to be "thank you". But thats always what those on the winning side of dominance relationships say. There is no need to think about what they're up to or why they sent you the . Try these instead. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. And when they do, you need to be prepared with the most appropriate reply to make the most of the situation. They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). And then you get people who let it go there and people who keep fishing (where are your parents from? etc etc because they think its impolite to ask WHAT are you, but they really really want to know, so they know what stereotypes to assign you, as you said, or even because theyre just curious, like youre an object). But I explained that I feel like Im being put on the spot- and I would prefer that she just ask me what she wants. I loathe this question, and Ive been getting it a lot lately. I Hope You. Why? "Yes, the weekend always . I would think that if one is up to the point of having to plan food, one would have also issued a direct invitation? When Ive used it outside of the US and on people who are not Anglophones from birth, its often perceived as prying which, in those countries, it is. These are my 2 best friends for over 20 years each! I understand that theyre just trying to be friendly and make small talk but it still feels invasive. The one my family goes with is Surviving. Absolutely, this too. Im in my late 50s and, frankly, my plans for the weekend are likely to be boring to this younger inquirer. Kind of a random revelation after reading everyones advice and responses: I think this is up for me right now because Im new to the online dating world and, because of my past experience with my family, I am having a hard time telling if the question is of the innocuous kind (like when co-workers ask my plans for the weekend), a soft opening to trying to ask me out, or the kind of manipulation that Ive, for better or for worse, learned to be on alert for. Its funny I dont even register the question How are you? (Ive lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to You alright? which, functionally, isnt that different. Make up a lease and sign it. They need to stop it. This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. Do you have time to talk?" "What Are You Up To?" Can Be a Way to Ask "Are You Busy?" Here's another example: Jana: Hi Rob, how are you? Are you me? I hate this question too because likeI dont always pick up on it! Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? Ive noticed that sometimes when coworkers as me what Im doing theyre really just politely trying to start a conversation about the weekend so they can tell me all about their exciting weekend plans. Ive had trouble with that one, too. Threading has run out, so replying to your top comment, spd please try to avoid using the word spazzy. Thats kind of taking it 4 out of context to say they dont understand. Of course, he keeps doing it his way, so I just ask dunno, why? My DH reminds me when predictable events are coming up and advises me to fill up my calendar! I dont worry when people say no to me either. She looks so comfortable. and get back to work.) As a young black woman in the US, she of course had been steeped in spotting such people her whole life. ), Anyway, that wont do the job. "It's going well.". If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. Theres an important underlying truth here that I think we all have trouble with: We are not required to answer every question put to us.

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